for the first time in my life.. i start to type aimlessly with no predefined motive in my head.. i dont know why i feel so restless.. maybe because the bitter thought of not being able to see you for half of the year to come.. drains me of all my astral energy.. i feel 'empty'.. and yet my heart has never been so 'full'.. of sorrow..
they say - "when the heart is full.. the eyes overflow".. and so the fact that i find tears flowing down my face every now and then does not surprise me.. god has played a very nasty joke on me.. first he completely took you away from me.. then he gave the whole of you back.. and now he will deprive me of your physical presence.. and maybe thats why i chose to write this morning.. just to let you know.. how much i love you.. and how broken i have been ever since you told me about your destined deprature approximately 2 weeks from now.. and its funny how even after being hurt individually to the same extent in our respective pasts.. i am still willing to take another chance just for the sake of letting my love survive.. but you are reluctant.. maybe because you never really looked at me as a potential mate.. or maybe because you chose to be that way with me..
well.. we are materially drifting appart.. but that will in no way affect what i feel for you.. for as long as i know that you will come back.. i will stay and wait.. just to have the opportunity to see your beautiful smile yet another time.. its going to be hard.. i know that.. but you make me want to prove to myself and the world.. that i have derived from you the very strength i use to achieve everything i want.. my destiny is no longer running away from me.. it is at a standstill.. waiting for me to come and take its hand.. and yet i see something much more important starting to slip away.. something which i rank much above my fate.. something that helped me realise my destiny in the first place.. something that makes me get back upon my feet everytime i falter, trip and fall.. its your love that keeps me safe.. because in the distance.. i see your face.. and that keeps me going..
now i feel so helpless.. knowing that i will never be the same once your gone.. and all the changes that occur within me.. are the ones you would never want me to undergo.. but thats the truth of life.. times change and people are prone to drastic distinction between what they are and what they used to be.. but i will rebel.. and i will repel.. because when you see me six months from now.. i want you to look me in the eyes.. and assure yourself that i am still the same.. and i promise you.. i will remain unchanged.. just for the sake of being able to see you once again..
p.s. i want the simplicity of our relationship to carry us all the way.. hope that persists..