now i feel like an aeroplane.. above the rain.. and this time.. i wont make the same mistakes.. i used to make..

the more i try to run away from my past.. the more it seems to haunt me.. one way or the other.. i feel as if its a mortal sin to try and rectify the mistakes i once committed.. its like being declared a resident of hell.. you have already lost the chance to be able to cleanse your soul.. as if it was not already bad enough being misunderstood in every imaginable sphere of life.. as if having tripped and fallen over my own untied laces was not enough to make me shiver with regret of having made so many mistakes in the times that are no longer with us..

and to think i'm gonna be getting into one of the best engineering colleges in the country tomorrow.. and yet i feel nothing special.. nothing at all actually.. sometimes the simplest of sorrows can overcome a great magnitude of happiness.. and its only because sometimes.. the simplest of joys can overcome the greatest of sorrows.. i am very messed up right now.. more messed up than i have ever been.. and its only because i cant find a single person who has a mind that operates on exactly the same frequency as mine.. sometimes i feel like ET.. but then i call akhi up.. and i remember that there are two of us..

look at me.. do i look like the kind of guy who gives a fuck?.. even if i dont.. to be honest i do give a fuck.. everyone does.. it makes the world go around.. if you actually dont give a fuck.. your not a part of the pyramid.. your a fuckin' outcast.. stop eating our grain..

lets just say.. that its time i walked away.. oh wait i dont want to sound mean.. so lets give it another try.. lets just say.. that its time i let you sail away.. you never really gave a fuck anyway.. or atleast you mentally claimed that you did not.. one way or the other.. you are no longer a part of my life cycle.. its time i stopped compromising with my desires to fulfil your needs.. its time i set things up the way i want to.. and yet i shall wait.. any maybe one day.. you will learn to live your life the way you want to.. and not the way it was offered to you.. its hard to say that i still love you.. i can sense the feeling slip away..

A New Found Glory - Forget Everything

Can we pretend for one second that we are together
What's the point of keeping my feelings at bay
It takes a lot of me
To get the nerve to wake up
Everyday

And what if I don't
Would you even care?
Would you even care?

Forget everything that we have done
Erase me
From your memory
Don't call
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over

I can't remember the last time I saw you smile
It might have been around this time last year
It takes a lot of me
To get the nerve to tell you everything is ok

And what if I don't
Would you even care?
Would you even care?

Forget everything that we have done
Erase me
From your memory
Don't call
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over

It's gone
Before you know it
You can't let go of something you've never had
It's ash until you burn it
I hope I never see you again

And what if I don't
Would you even care?
Would you even care?

Forget everything that we have done
Erase me
From your memory
Don't call
Don't ask about me until the day hell freezes over

When hell freezes over ..

'turning over a new leaf'
hard.. very hard.. just when you start to think that life has started treating you the way you always wanted it to.. a mistake from the past pops up.. blocks your path.. holds you back.. i guess that is why it is important for us to plan our ventures in such a way that they end exactly where they started.. that leaves no room for cold perspiration.. no space for freezing emotion..

you try to be genuinly nice to people.. and get the same old ragged returns.. you cant blame them.. how do they know that you are trying to start afresh? thats one unavoidable consequence of having been a jerk in the days that have passed.. you reap what you sow.. but it feels good.. to be hated.. yet not hate.. its a different experience all together.. smiling at people when they say something derogatory to your liking.. telling them how it may have hurt you.. yes.. its a pleasant/non-violent way of letting someone know that you think he's one deep ass-hole..

i owe this to my friends.. the ones who carried me home the night i was drunk.. the ones who sat awake till 6 in the morning trying to sort things out for my well being.. they saved my bottom from getting skinned.. they gave me a strong enough reason.. to change.. and i will live upto what i promised them.. even if that means taking a few punches and not giving any back.. a few bruises.. maybe a broken nose.. big shit.. ill live..

now i seem to be broadening my circle of friends.. yet narrowing my circle of trust.. there are so many people i want to include in the list of the reliable.. but i guess i dont know them well enough to let it happen.. so many innocent faces.. so many soft touches.. but i have been hurt on too many occassions.. influenced more times than i can count.. so i will have to wait.. see if my heart leads me right this time.. just the way it always does..

if you were a total stranger looking at me live my life the way i am today.. you would think i have everything i wanted.. but sometimes.. its not the material things that bring you joy.. and yet a careless venture into a beautiful pair of eyes.. can keep you smiling all day long..

i like the breeze that blows with a purpose of making each of us feel lighter than what we are.. it cleanses us of all the hostile thoughts eroding our mind of its noble character.. the wind serves as a guardian to every astral thing we hold important.. its depletes us of undesired sorrow and fills us with everlasting faith.. i love the wind.. it carries your touch..

kahi toh.. kahi toh.. hai nasha.. teri meri har mulakat mein.. :)

sometimes i just seem to run out of words.. and then i think of you.. and i am flooded with ideas and thoughts ladden with such pure feelings.. it makes me write in way that preserves all that i want to hold on to.. for the rest of my life.. like the lyrics of a beautiful song that never ends.. so you dont have to play it all over again to listen to it one more time.. it keeps playing.. i keep crying.. its the versatility of love that makes me want to hold on to the truth of what i have for you in my heart.. forever..

i take in the scent of the perfume your wearing.. i claim that it reminds me of a significant part of my past.. but i dont feel like turning to my past when i smell the fragrance on you.. i feel like coming closer to you.. sometimes the crudest things can be so symbolic of the way your feeling at a particular moment.. or the way you would have wished to be.. why could not the world shrink to a measure where being in one anothers arms would be the only option we would have?.. yeah i know.. sometimes i hope of things that are never meant to be.. and hope leads to dreams.. dreams in turn lead to fulfilment.. and yet i dont hope for the fulfilment of my dreams.. i just fulfil my dream of hoping..

yeah i am changing.. and i guarantee you.. its only for the good.. of the people around me.. of the people i specially group under the category of friends.. i am changing.. only to make it easy for myself to keep in mind the thought that after spending a day without you.. i am only a day closer to meeting you.. and i know that anyone who claims to know what i really am.. and still reading this right now.. will not believe me when i say that i will wait for you.. i will.. i promise.. i have made this confession when i was drunk.. have made it when i was sober.. sometimes you just want to hold on and never let go for the soul purpose of staying in love with a person you want to love.. even after knowing that they have no clue whatsoever about your feelings for them.. and that is only because you know that you are happier just loving them without them knowing.. than getting into a relationship with someone else just to try and make yourself get over your one and ever love..

i love you.. thats it.. thats the reason why i seem to have no interest in any seemingly good looking girl that passes by even though i claim to have found her 'steaming hot'(with mild traces of hoogaa boogaa in the background) .. and thats that. end of discussion. yea i still love you after ending the post. i love you.

yeah.. everything's settled to the bottom of the glass now.. i am happy at last.. and most importantly.. i am satisfied.. i have all that i wanted from life at this point of time.. and when you have all the ingredients for a particular recepie.. the brew has to be perfect.. but now i have to cook up something delicious before i run out of the most important component of my dish.. before i run out of time..

i have tried talking to the wind.. i have tried shouting at the starts.. i have tried fighting with the pebbles lying on the road.. i have asked them for reasons.. i have asked them for answers unknown to even the brightest minds..

this thing called love, its not a game..

brings even the noblest ones to shame..

just when your sure that you have it all..

life sticks its foot out, you trip and you fall..

broken bones and broken desires follow..

all the things that seem to leave you hollow..

and covered in tears you see her face..

its like falling face first from the higest place..

so never let your eyes replace your heart..

and let your feelings guide you from the start..

you need to move with delicate-unwavering belief..

like a tender water drop sliding down a leaf..

so we all claim that we know what we want from life.. not realising that even the weight of the thought of having a clue about what is needed by us is a lot more than we can handle.. but it seems to have become a compulsion to keep dreams which may not be fulfilled even if almighty himself tried to make it happen.. its something like flying too close to the sun and then wishing you could have gone back down at your pace.. its not possible.. because your wings are already burnt.. dont keep desires that may cost you everything that gave you the ability to have that desire in the first place..

"one form of hate extinguishes the other.. but one form of love only replenishes another " -Aman Dahiya

if you think that your mind is clouded by a negative thought at the time of making even the crudest decision.. just leave it for another time.. sometimes small choices change the course of our lives in ways that make it impossible for us to get back on track after having been deviated from it due to nasty pranks played on us by a fate imprisoned destiny.. its all in our hands.. no one controls what you shall behold..

and now as the day you sail away draws closer.. i close my eyes with hope that when i open them next.. i will see more than just a bleak outline of the uncertainty you seem to be leaving behind to keep me company.. i will wish for more than just a self-made excuse to get over you so that i can carry on with what would be a desirably better life.. and then only retrace my steps back to where i started.. because i know it would be foolish to even want to move on..

lets just say i'm happy loving you and not lettng you know about it.. that keeps me from expecting more than what i can get.. and it prevents you from pushing yourself into things you would rather avoid..

"you dont need to climb the peak of a mountain to admire its beauty.. some sights can be better appreciated at a distance.."

-Aman Dahiya