'turning over a new leaf'
hard.. very hard.. just when you start to think that life has started treating you the way you always wanted it to.. a mistake from the past pops up.. blocks your path.. holds you back.. i guess that is why it is important for us to plan our ventures in such a way that they end exactly where they started.. that leaves no room for cold perspiration.. no space for freezing emotion..
you try to be genuinly nice to people.. and get the same old ragged returns.. you cant blame them.. how do they know that you are trying to start afresh? thats one unavoidable consequence of having been a jerk in the days that have passed.. you reap what you sow.. but it feels good.. to be hated.. yet not hate.. its a different experience all together.. smiling at people when they say something derogatory to your liking.. telling them how it may have hurt you.. yes.. its a pleasant/non-violent way of letting someone know that you think he's one deep ass-hole..
i owe this to my friends.. the ones who carried me home the night i was drunk.. the ones who sat awake till 6 in the morning trying to sort things out for my well being.. they saved my bottom from getting skinned.. they gave me a strong enough reason.. to change.. and i will live upto what i promised them.. even if that means taking a few punches and not giving any back.. a few bruises.. maybe a broken nose.. big shit.. ill live..
now i seem to be broadening my circle of friends.. yet narrowing my circle of trust.. there are so many people i want to include in the list of the reliable.. but i guess i dont know them well enough to let it happen.. so many innocent faces.. so many soft touches.. but i have been hurt on too many occassions.. influenced more times than i can count.. so i will have to wait.. see if my heart leads me right this time.. just the way it always does..
if you were a total stranger looking at me live my life the way i am today.. you would think i have everything i wanted.. but sometimes.. its not the material things that bring you joy.. and yet a careless venture into a beautiful pair of eyes.. can keep you smiling all day long..
i like the breeze that blows with a purpose of making each of us feel lighter than what we are.. it cleanses us of all the hostile thoughts eroding our mind of its noble character.. the wind serves as a guardian to every astral thing we hold important.. its depletes us of undesired sorrow and fills us with everlasting faith.. i love the wind.. it carries your touch..