irony.. a strong word.. a stronger influence.. on factors that contribute to my being happy with the way things are going at a particular point of time.. it should all be just the way i want it to be.. call me greedy.. greed is good.. it makes you strive for a particular aim in a way that you would have never possibly imagined.. even time seems to be ironic at this junction of desire.. as i come closer to starting on a journey which shall help me realize my dreams.. i also come closer to parting ways with the person who has contributed to all the good that lies within me today.. who has taught me not only the ways to be a better human being.. but instilled in me a confidence.. that tends to make me shiver at my ingratitude of not having been able to give anything in return for this gift of life.. i had made a mental note to never take names on my blog.. but today.. i break that rule.. in tribute to arguably the most important experience generator of my life.. Ankesh Naagar..

'Soulmate' .. just the thought or sound of this particular word makes every single person in the world imagine themselves to be in the arms of their beloved love interest.. but that is nothing but a fickle minded perception leading to a universal mindset which in turn prevents us from seeing how deep the meaning of this word really is..

you look at this pretty girl standing across the street thinking of how she reminds you of someone significant from the past or present.. and just when you are about to let the thought slip away.. you hear your friend walking next to you.. say EXACTLY what you were thinking only seconds ago.. a Soulmate.. is someone who tends to complete you in way that makes you feel as if they were born with the soul purpose of presenting to you.. the very thoughts that seemed to be occupying a better part of your thought linkage(mate) at that very instant.. but through a different medium.. just like what a MONITOR does for a CPU.. i know this sounds absurd.. but this is the crudest.. most simplest example i could come up with.. the CPU stores and processes all the data that seems to be relating to various things which are in turn responsible for the functioning of its mainframe.. but sometimes.. just processing the data and having a backup does not suffice.. and this is when we need the data in the CPU to be produced through a different medium.. and that is exactly what a monitor does.. which is just like the 'verbal representation'(screen output) of your(CPU) 'thoughts'(data) by your soulmate(monitor).. from what i said.. it may seem as if its you who is in earnest need of support from your soulmate in order for you to stay aptly sane.. but you forget that your soulmate exists with the very purpose of being able to provide you with that sanity.. and thus you complete him/her .. and you are his/her soulmate..

Ankesh.. is one such person to me.. he is someone who completes me in a way that makes me feel that i could survive a few more years provided he is there by my side.. i may make him feel like its me doing him the favors.. but what is a DUMB 'Monitor' without its 'CPU'?

the only way to get out of this is to turn my own self into a separate processing unit which shall enable to me find other devices that shall aid me with the task of functioning properly.. its time i stepped out into the open and dared the heavens to smite me.. its about time i broke into a million pieces in one go.. rather than have my soul cut into pieces and taken away from me.. part by part.. the pain is excruciating.. the loss is 'ironically extravagant' ..

i dont want to burden anyone reading this with things that are meant to be locked up and hidden away inside of me.. and so i conclude.. with words of prayer for the safekeeping of the person who taught me how to smile jusk for the sake of flashing my teeth.. ill miss you bro :)